A Year in the Life
by Lady Iapetus Roving Wanderer
Summary: What happens with the Toonsters and the Warners in the same school? Chaos.


_Standard Disclaimer: All characters from TTA, A! and Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies are the property of Warner Brothers. Wordsworth J. Emerson the cat belongs to the producers of The Friday Night Book Club cartoons for the ABC Weekend Specials. The characters of Sassy Warner, Maggie Cat, Fleetsand Hare and Melody Bunny belong to me. Lyrics to Sassy's son in Chapter 1 are taken (and slightly modified) from **Wakko's Wish**, which is also not mine. _

A Year In the Life (An Animaniacs!/Tiny Toon Adventures Crossover)

By Lady Iapetus

CHAPTER ONE:

STUDENT BY DAY, MYSTERIOUS VAULTKEEPER BY NIGHT!

"'Eeeeaaayyy, Sassy! Eeeeya missed a spot!" The young janitor's head turned at the sound of head janitor Pete Puma's voice. He was pointing to a dusty corner of one of Acme Looniversity's many hallways. 

"Noted, Pete," she sighed, making her way over. Pete then left her to go check on the rest of the janitorial staff. With another heavy sigh, Sassette Warner began sweeping up the dust in the corner.   
  
She bore a strong resemblance to Yakko Warner, which made sense considering she was his twin sister. They even dressed similarly, in tan-colored pants; although Sassy's were more Oriental in style, and she wore a sleeveless cream-colored top with them. The only difference was that Sassy was a couple of inches shorter than her brother. 

"Hey, Hue! How's t'ings?" Foxy's voice made Sassy look up, and she grinned.   
  
"What're you callin' me a 'hue' for, Two-Tone?" she teased lightheartedly. "I'm just as black an' white as you are!"   
  
Foxy chuckled. "All except for dem clothes an' dat nose," he said, pressing his finger against her red, oval-shaped nose. She swatted at him with her broom, and he jumped out of the way. "Lissen, I gotta ask ya… What's a pretty toon like youse doin' sweepin' a hallway like dis?"   
  
Sassy shrugged. "Bugs offered me the job, and I accepted. Gotta pay the rent somehow or other. That's all there is to it, Foxy-Woxy." The black and white fox actually turned a discernible shade of red at Sassy's pet name for him.   
  
"Will youse quit callin' me dat?" he asked. 

"Why?' Sassy teased, leaning on her broom. "Roxy's not around." Foxy contemplated that for a while, then looked and noticed the sly smile Sassy had on her face, and jumped away.   
  
"Oh, no!" he said, shaking his head. "T' quote the kids dese days, 'Don't go dere!'" Sassy giggled, snapping her fingers in mock disappointment. She knew Foxy and Roxy from the 1930s and had always enjoyed flirting with Foxy. For one thing, it irritated Roxy to no end and secondly it embarrassed Foxy like you wouldn't believe.   
  
"Anyway, youse know what I mean Sass," Foxy continued (albeit at a safer distance than before). "Me, Roxy, da Goop, Bee, Honey n' Bosco…we're all teachin' here. Well, 'cept Honey an' Bosco but that's beside th' point. An' here you are, sweepin' hallways, scrubbin' toilets and washin' windows."   
  
"I don't do windows," Sassy corrected him, giggling.   
  
Foxy sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, okay. Youse don't do windows. But, you know what I mean, Sass! Why ain't youse in class wit' Buster, Babs and all dem guys? Or better yet, in Burbank wit' yore sibs?"   
  
"I go to class with Buster and the others," Sassy countered. "My day just ends a little earlier than theirs does, 'cause of my job. And as for Burbank… I don't really want to live my life in a water tower, thank you very much. 'Specially now that the guys' show has been canceled."   
  
"Yeah, dat was a tough break for 'em, all right," Foxy agreed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. "Dey desoived bein' back in show biz."   
  
"Yeah, that they did," Sassy smiled. She then snapped out of whatever trance she was beginning to fall in and went back to sweeping. "Well, I'd better get this finished before Pete comes and chews me out again."   
  
Foxy chuckled. "Yeah. Later, Sass!" He walked away, waving. Almost thirty seconds later the final bell rang, the classroom doors opened and students ran out with a veritable dust cloud in their wakes.   
  
When the dust cloud dissipated Sassy could be seen waving her hand in front of her face, trying to wave away the dust and coughing. She looked around to see the floor covered with a fine layer of dust. "Oh, fer the love o' Flanders!" she groaned. Broom in hand, Sassy then began sweeping up the entire hallway all over again. 

0000000

  
It was about five-thirty in the evening before Sassy finally finished sweeping the hallways of Acme Loo, not to mention cleaning up the aftermaths of a paint fight in the art room and the daily food fight in the cafeteria. She shut off the light to the art room, looking at her clothes and shaking her head in disgust.   
  
"Look at this," she groaned to nobody in particular. "These stains are gonna take forever t' get out! Geez, I'd throw this thing away if it wasn't my only shirt."   
  
"And den what would we have? A half-naked janitor?" Sassy turned to see Bugs leaning up against the door to his office. "Yeah, dat'd go over real well wit' da PTA." Laughing, Sassy stuck her tongue out at the Looniversity dean and principal.   
  
"Your faith in me is underwhelming," she said wryly. "Now, if Mr. High and Mighty Principal/Superintendent/ Dean/Whatever doesn't mind, I'm gonna go down and toss these duds into the washing machine." 

"Actually, Sass, I do wanna talk t' ya about somethin," Bugs said. "Foxy came an' talked t' me t'day. An' he seemed awfully peeved about somethin er other."   
  
Sassy laughed, but didn't turn around. "Look, if it's about the flirting I do that to him all the time! It irritates Roxy, and it embarrasses the heck outta Foxy. After seeing him, you'd believe that a Two-Tone 'toon can blush red." Both she and Bugs chuckled at the mental image that that produced.   
  
"Naw, it wasn't dat," Bugs said. "It was you bein' a janitor here at da Looniversity 'stead o' just a student or bein' a teacher. He even suggested we send you t' Burbank t' be wit your sibs."   
  
"Bugs, we've been through this," she sighed, turning around. "My time as a star is over, that's it, finito, see ya later and g'night everybody. And I like going to class here part-time. Sure, I tutor the kids in some stuff, like spin-changes and snappy comebacks, but teaching full time really isn't for me. And I have no desire to spend the rest of my life in a water tower, thankyaverymuch. I'm perfectly fine, trust me."   
  
"Okay, okay Sass," Bugs said as he locked his office door. "You've made your point. I'll see ya tomorrow, den."   
  
"G'night, Bugs!" Sassy called as he walked down the hallway. 

"Night, Sass!" he called back. "Don't stay up too late watchin dem old flicks! Save some time fer yer homewoik!" 

"What homework? It's the end o' the year, remember?" Sassy laughed, then turned the corner and headed for the basement of the Looniversity. Once she reached the side room where she'd set up housekeeping, Sassy threw her clothes into the washer, threw on a pair of pajamas and her bathrobe, fixed herself a soda and headed into the film vault. 

Since Sassy had no place of her own to call home, she rented a room in the basement of the Looniversity. The young Warner had fixed it up quite nicely, with a bed, lamp, desk, computer, microwave and a washer/dryer. 

She earned money for the rent by being an after-school janitor during the day. When those duties were finished she was the supervisor and guard of the Looniversity Film Vault. Bosco and Honey had moved away from Acme Acres, so Arnold had taken over position as daytime Vault Keeper, assisting Sassy at night. In Theater #1 Sassy found a stack of film reels with a piece of paper on top. 

_Sassy,_ the note read. 

_Dese films just came in today. The bottom t'ree are the last episodes of "Animaniacs!" and the movie "Wakko's Wish." I'm gonna screen the "Star Warners" short and WW at the cookout tomorrow, so keep an extra-close eye on dat last one; it ain't even out on video yet. Da rest are old shorts of your siblings that I managed to talk da 'suits at WB into sendin us. As always, you got first dibs on watchin 'em. Just log and rack 'em when yer done. Enjoy, an' don't stay up too late watchin, an' do yer homewoik. Remembah, you got school in th' mornin'!_

_Bugs._

  
Sassy smiled as she put the note down. "Good old Bugs," she said softly, sticking the first film into the projector. After going back to her room, checking her laundry and fixing herself some microwave popcorn, she went back and started the film. 

It was roughly quarter to nine in the evening by the time Sassy finished with the last short. She then took the stack of reels out into the archive room and opened the book. "Date, 05/24/98. Archiver on duty: Sassy Warner. Time: 9:45:53 p.m. Films archived: Episodes 98 and 99 of "Animaniacs!" (final episodes of series); feature-length film "Wakko's Wish"; Warner Brothers (and Sister) shorts #59, 45 and 61."   
  
After entering the films into the logbook Sassy shelved them all in their proper places, except for "Wakko's Wish." That film she took to her room with her and stuck in a safe place.   
Finally ready for bed, she sat down at the edge of her cot and reached under her shirt, producing a locket. She opened it, and inside was a picture of her as well as a picture of Yakko. Sassy sniffed, and wiped away a tear before closing the locket and placing it back under her shirt. Getting up, Sassy went and opened the basement window slightly to let the cool spring air in. Softly, she sang to herself: 

_Did you ever wish that you could have_   
_A wish that would come true?_   
_I wonder what my wish would be_   
_Which I would want to wish, you see_   
_Which wish would be the wish for me_   
_Gee whiz, I wish I knew…_

_I would wish that on some far off day,_   
_But, truly, not too far off from now_   
_I wouldn't have to roam,_   
_Instead I'd be at home._   
_My siblings and I could be_   
_A nice happy family._   
_So help us reunite…_   
_Then I'll be happy._

"G'night, Siblings, wherever you're at," Sassy whispered, climbing into bed. She shut out the light, rolled over and went to sleep. 

0000000

It was about 3 a.m. Acme Looniversity was silent and empty; it's halls dark. Slowly but surely a shadow began making its way through the corridors to the basement. It crept down to the basement, picked the lock of the Film Vault door and entered. After scanning the rows of film reels, the shadow let out a muffled curse.   
  
_The janitor's room_, it thought to itself, and made its way to Sassy's room. The Warner girl was sleeping peacefully in her bed as the shadow made its way in. The light of the moon glinted on the film can. The shadow smiled to itself, revealing a set of white, gleaming teeth.   
  
"Got it," it chuckled, and tiptoed out. Suddenly the lights turned on, revealing the thief as none other than Montana Max, the richest and most spoiled student at Acme Looniversity. The film can for "Wakko's Wish" was tucked under his arm.   
  
"Going somewhere, Monty?" Sassy asked sweetly. She was standing in the doorway, arms folded and glaring at the boy who was only a couple inches taller than she. Monty glared at her and held the film can possessively.   
  
"It's mine, you can't have it!" he snapped. "I'm gonna make copies of this film, and it's gonna make me rich! So get out of my way, Pipsqueak!"   
  
Sassy arched an eyebrow, gazing at Monty through half-lidded eyes. "And you're so sure about that?" she asked. "Who knows? I may have mislabeled the can, or put the wrong film in there. You could be taking home a movie of Daffy Duck's best moments."   
  
Monty snorted. "Are you kidding? That wouldn't take up five minutes worth of film!"   
  
"Good point," Sassy conceded. "Okay, Bugs Bunny's best moments. Only one way to find out, Max." Growling, Monty ripped open the can. The label on the film inside read, The Best of Bugs Bunny, 1945. He threw the film down in frustration. 

"All right, you razafrackin' freak!" he threatened, throwing the can to the floor. "Gimme the real film! I want it, I want it, I want it!" While Monty was having his tantrum, Sassy stuck her thumb and pinky finger in her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Almost instantly Arnold zipped in.   
  
"You know what to do, Arnold," Sassy said. Arnold walked over and picked Monty up by the back of his shirt.   
  
"Leetle weempy rich boy," he said. "Arnold will show you vat happens to people who steal films from ze Film Vault, ja." He walked out with Monty held between his thumb and forefinger, the rich boy pleading for his life.   
  
"Bye, Arnold! Thanks for the assist!" Sassy called as she picked up the dropped film can. Grinning, she peeled the label off of the film, revealing the real label underneath: Wakko's Wish. "ACME Fake Labels. Gotta love 'em." She went to her bed, picked up the dummy and tossed it in the closet. Then she climbed into bed, placing the film beneath her pillow. "Just let any more would-be black market movie profiteers try anything," she said to herself.   


CHAPTER TWO:

"SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER!"

  
The next day was the Acme Looniversity End-of-the-School-Year Cookout. Classes only ran half the day as the last few finals were finished up. The rest of the day was reserved for a barbecue picnic lunch (with real food instead of the cafeteria trash), games and prizes, and a film screening. Even Bosco and Honey were able to make it for the festivities.   
  
Sassy had finished all of her finals the day before, so she was working with the rest of the faculty. Currently she was on hot dog detail, watching the Looniversity students eating, talking and having a great time. She glanced at the grill, then looked over her shoulder and called, "Oh, Mon-tyyy! I need some more hot dogs over here!"   
  
"We're running low on buns, too!" chimed in Honey Bunny, Bugs' longtime girlfriend and fiancee. The millionaire boy grumbled as he carried a stack of hot dogs and hot dog buns over to the two of them, plopping them down on the table. Sassy and Arnold had notified Bugs about Monty's attempted theft of the movie. He hadn't been sentenced yet, but his punishment had already started by doing things for the faculty members that were working on the cookout. "Thank you, Monty."   
  
"Razafrackin' varmints," Monty grumbled under his breath. Honey eyed Monty questioningly.   
  
"What was that, Montana?" she asked sweetly. Her brown eyes, however, positively glared at Monty and the boy quailed under their gaze.   
  
"Um, there you are Sass, Professor Honey," Monty chuckled nervously. With a nod from Honey, the boy took off before they could give him any more chores to do. Once he was out of earshot both of them burst out laughing.   
  
Sassy clutched at her stomach. "Oh, that was good Honey. That was perfect. Did you see the expression on his face?" 

"Yes," Honey giggled. "I wondered why all of you liked to torment him and go to such great lengths to make him look the fool. Well, now I know: it's just so much fun!" 

"That it is, Honey," Buster agreed as he and Babs came up. Holding up two fingers he requested, "Two hot dogs, please." Sassy placed two dogs into the buns that Honey had put on plates, which were then handed to the two young bunnies. 

Babs eyed Sassy slyly. "I heard we're screening an awesome movie today," she said. "Think you could let us in on what it is?"   
  
Sassy grinned, but shook her head. "Nope. My lips is zipped." To illustrate her point, she drew her fingers across her lips in a zipping motion, making a zipped-up zipper appear in place of her mouth. Babs instantly went into a spin change, emerging as Barbara Walters.   
  
"Pwease, Miss Wawner," the pink fembunny said, sticking a microphone in Sassy's face. "The pubwic wants to know."   
  
"No dice," Sassy insisted, unzipping her mouth and remaining firm in her decision. She may attend classes with them, but currently she was a member of the staff and therefore their superior. "You'll find out when everyone else does." Sighing, Babs spun back to normal (for Babs, anyway).   
  
While mostly everybody was eating lunch, Bugs stepped onto the makeshift stage that the screen was mounted on. "Eh, could I have your attention please? Excuse me, but if I could have everyone's attention fer a sec…" After about three minutes of failing to get the student body's attention, Yosemite Sam stepped up onto the stage. 

"SHADDUP, YOU RAZAFRACKEN VARMINTS!" he yelled. "An' pay attenshun, yew slackers might learn somethun!" With that he walked off-stage to the applause of the faculty. 

"Eh, t'anks Doc," Bugs said dryly, taking his place onstage. "Now, before we screen our movie for dis afternoon, I have a short announcement t' make. I, uh, need Sassy Warner up here. Would da hot dog lady please get her buns up on-stage, please?" 

Amid the laughter of the students Sassy did as she was told, coming up on-stage and standing beside Bugs. "You bellowed?" she asked in a passable impression of Lurch.   
  
"Cute, kid. Real cute," Bugs remarked. "Anyhoo, if it woin't for Sassy, we wouldn't be showin' this movie today. She successfully thwarted an attempt last night t' steal it from our Film Vault." This prompted a round of applause from the students to which Sassy blushed a shade of red (and several gazes turned and glared on Monty).   
  
"Aw, it was nothing really," she said in embarrassment. Then, shooting a devious Look at Bosco, she added in a gravely voice, "I'm the nighttime Mysterious Vault Keeper. It's my job, isn't it?" The students and the teachers laughed, and Bosco tipped his hat to the young Warner.   
  
Bugs stopped laughing long enough to hand Sassy a box wrapped in gift paper. "Well, as a token of our appreciation not only fer thwartin' that theft last night but fer all th' hard woik you do around th' Loo durin' the year, please accept this token of our esteem."   
  
"Oh, Bugs," Sassy said amid shouts of "Open it! Open it!" from the Looniversity students. "You shouldn't have."   
  
"I know," Bugs said quietly. "But I wanted to." Raising his voice he added, "Well, Sass? You hoid 'em. Open it!" Giggling, Sassy untied the ribbon and pulled off the paper. She tugged off the lid and pulled out two objects. The first was a shirt identical to the one she was wearing. "Eh, dat's so you always got a spare after all o' dem messes you're always cleaning up." The Warner snickered, remembering her complaints from the previous night.   
  
The second object was a gold ring with an amethyst set in it. Inscribed on the inside was her full name: Sassette Warner. Buster stood up before she could ask any questions. "Even though you work at the Loo part time you still find time to attend classes. And for that we all consider you part of our class."   
  
"And since you didn't have enough funds to buy a ring last year, we all chipped in and got you one ourselves," Babs added, standing up beside Buster. Sassy looked at them with tears in her eyes.   
  
"Thanks, guys," she said, slipping the ring onto the middle finger of her right hand, over the glove. She then returned to her seat with the rest of the faculty, and Bugs took his place back onstage.   
  
"So, wit'out further adieu," he said "I give you…'Star Warners' an' 'Wakko's Wish!' Goopy, hit it!" The Two-Tone did as he was told, hitting the switch on the projector.   
  
The Toonsters thoroughly enjoyed both pieces. Buster's teasing Babs about who was the better Princess Leia, her or Dot, changed when Yakko appeared on-screen as Yakk SoHo, and she began teasing him about who was the better Han. Slappy Squirrel's performance as Slappy-Wanna-Nappy sent the professors into riots of laughter, remembering the witty squirrel as she was in her prime.   
  
"Wakko's Wish" was a hit as well. Many of the students pointed out the reappearance of running gags, like Mr. Director and Baloney (who succeeded in scaring the heck out of everybody in the audience). There were tears at Dot's death scene, cheers when she came back to life, and only Monty booed when King Salazar was booted off the throne. As the ending credits finished rolling the entire audience was clapping and cheering.   
  
After the movie was finished everyone was allowed to go home. Sassy was helping Roxy, Honey and girls' basketball coach Lola Bunny clean up when they were approached by Buster and Babs. "Hey, Sass," the blue bunny said. "We were wondering if you wanted to go to the Weenie Burger with us. You know, just to hang out."   
  
Sassy looked at Honey, Roxy and Lola. The blonde fembunny nodded. "Go ahead, Sass. We can handle this by ourselves. You deserve a day off."   
  
"Thanks," Sassy said, then went off with Buster and Babs. As soon as she entered the Weenie Burger, the eldest Warner Sister found herself being congratulated by just about everyone there, including the clerks. She bought herself a Weenie Burger, a soda and some fries and sat down at a table with Buster, Babs, Plucky and Shirley.   
  
"So, Sass," Babs said, sipping at her carrot soda "how'd you like your gifts?"   
  
"They're really great, Babs, especially the ring," Sassy replied. "How'd you figure out everything? You know, stone, ring size…my full name…"   
  
Buster answered, "We saw you and some of the other women professors admiring the ring that Bugs gave Honey, and overheard you say that amethysts were always your favorite stone. As for your full name, well…we kinda had Calamity hack into school records t' find that out." He grinned sheepishly.   
  
"Well, just as long as you guys don't call me that you'll be fine," Sassy said in a mock-threatening manner.   
  
"Hey, like, can I see it?" Shirley asked. Sassy nodded and pulled off the ring, handing it to Shirley. The female loon slipped off her own ring and slipped Sassy's on and admired it. "Wow. It's, like, so beautiful er some junk." She tried to pull it off, but then came to a horrible realization. "Uh, I think it's stuck er some junk."   
  
Sassy, Plucky, Buster and Babs stared at her in disbelief. "Tell me you just didn't say that," Sassy said. Shirley tried again to take the ring off, but it remained stuck fast on her finger. "Oh, for the love of Flanders."   
  
Fifteen minutes later the girls were in the women's restroom, using cold water and soap in the hopes of slipping the ring off. The drain was plugged with paper towels to prevent the ring from going down it.   
  
"I think…I almost…got it!" Babs grunted, pulling on the ring.   
  
Shirley gritted her teeth. "Like, don't pull of my whole finger er some junk, Babs," she warned.   
  
"Yeesh," Sassy observed, shaking suds off of her lower arm. "We've used enough soap to clean all the cars in the Weenie Burger Drive-Thru line." With one final grunt, Babs succeeded in getting the ring off of Shirley's finger. Unfortunately she pulled it off with enough force to send it through the window of the ladies bathroom. 

"Follow that ring!" Babs hollered. The three of them raced out of the bathroom and out of the restaurant, trying to find where the ring landed. 

At the same time Calamity Coyote was walking to the Weenie Burger (his latest attempt at catching Little Beeper had failed) when something hit him on the head and bounced off, into the grass. He bent to pick it up, recognizing it as somebody's class ring. The inscription inside read, "Sassette Warner." 

"Hey, anyone around here see a class ring?" screeched a voice. Calamity winced, immediately recognizing the voice as belonging to one Babs Bunny. A short time later she, along with Sassy and Shirley, came racing out of nowhere.   
  
Calamity waved to them then held out the ring. He flipped up a sign in his other hand that read, "Is this yours?" The trio halted, and Sassy and Calamity stared at each other. After about 30 seconds worth of staring Shirley started to say something, but Babs cut her off.   
  
"Now would not be the time, Shirl," she whispered. Shirley looked confused for a few more seconds, then blinked and nodded.   
  
"Oh," she said. "Like, I get it."   
  
Sassy finally shook herself out of whatever trance she'd been in. "Um, yeah. That's mine. Thanks, Calamity."   
  
"You're welcome," Calamity's sign replied. Then he flipped it over, and the words on the back asked, "Will you go out with me?"   
  
Sassy actually blushed. "Well, uh…sure!" she agreed. Calamity's eyes widened, and he would have floated off the ground if Sassy hadn't grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him back down. "Saturday at seven okay with you?" Calamity nodded profusely. "Great! I'll see you then, then."   
  
"Yup," agreed Calamity via his next sign. Then with the utmost gentleness he slipped Sassy's class ring back onto the middle finger of her right hand. Smiling, Sassy gave him a peck on the cheek. Calamity floated into the Weenie Burger, waving with a dreamy look on his face. Plucky and Buster passed him as they exited, shooting the young genius confused looks.   
  
"What's with Calamity?" Buster asked his girlfriend. "You'd think Sass here just agreed to go out with him or something."   
  
Plucky burst out laughing. "That's a good one Buster!" he exclaimed. "Sassy Warner and Calamity Coyote together? What a hoot! So," Plucky said, putting an arm around Shirley's shoulders "what's the deal with Calamity?"   
  
"Oh, nothing much," Babs replied. "Sassy here just agreed to go out with him." 

0000000

Saturday night at 6:50 p.m. found Sassy sitting on the front steps to the Looniversity, which was closed for the summer. The only part that was open was the Film Vault, which was open to the public year-round. That meant that Sassy's job wasn't over. In fact there had been a steady stream of people that day coming in to view old films according to Arnold and Arnolda.   
  
Sassy and Calamity had decided to go to dinner and a movie that night. She was wearing the shirt that she'd been given by Bugs, and instead of her pants she wore a knee-length tan skirt that she'd bought when she had gone to the mall with "The Amazing Three." Her class ring sparkled in the lamplight, and the light glinted off the chain of her locket.   
  
When she heard footsteps on the sidewalk she looked up. Calamity was coming towards her. He obviously wants to make a good impression, Sassy thought. He's wearing a vest, bow tie and dress shoes. The coyote walked up to Sassy and held out a single lavender rose. "Thank you, Calamity," she said, cutting off part of the stem and pinning the flower to her shirt.   
  
"You're welcome," replied Calamity's sign, a red blush creeping across his cheeks. He then offered her his arm, which she accepted, and they headed out. 

Sassy had been worried that dinner would be at the Weenie Burger, or worse yet "catch-your-own" with Little Beeper as the main entrée. Surprisingly, however, Calamity took her to a little-known restaurant in Acme Acres called "Swanson's." It had a casual atmosphere and a relatively decent menu that was easy on the pocketbook. Sassy had pork chops while Calamity ordered roast chicken (obviously the closest he'd get to having Little Beeper for dinner), and the both of them shared a banana split.   
  
The two of them also talked, Calamity writing his words down on a pad of paper since whipping out signs wouldn't be courteous towards the other restaurant patrons. Sassy learned that Calamity didn't talk because he was physically unable to, but because he was extremely shy. "Plus," he added "Wile E. doesn't talk, so no one expects me to either."   
  
"In some Warners cartoons he did, and in one TTA short too! What's stopping you?" Sassy countered. "Do the unexpected! Talk sometime, just to see what people will do. They'll probably expect you to talk a lot more."   
  
"I don't know what to say," Calamity wrote back.   
  
Sassy grinned, patting him on the hand. "Just start out with, 'Hi.' I guarantee you'll get a response." Just then the clock on the wall struck eight-thirty, the time that the movie was supposed to start.   
  
"Oh, no!" Calamity exclaimed. "We're missing the movie."   
  
"So?" Sassy shrugged, holding up her key ring. "Who needs to see a new movie for six bucks a ticket plus five bucks for popcorn and soda, when we can see some really great old ones for free, snacks included?" Calamity saw the gleam in his date's eyes, and nodded in understanding.   
  
After paying for their bill, the two of them walked through the park back to the Looniversity. Sassy unlocked the Film Vault, picked out a film and put it into the projector of Theater #1.   
  
Approximately an hour and fifteen minutes later, Sassy and Calamity were saying good-bye on the Looniversity stairs. "Thanks, Calamity," Sassy said shyly. "I had a really fun time."   
  
"So did I," read Calamity's sign. "See you later?"   
  
"Yeah, see you later," Sassy replied. He turned and started walking down the staircase, then turned back, walked up to Sassy and gave her a quick, chaste kiss on the cheek.   
  
"Good night," he said, so softly that Sassy almost had to strain to hear his words. She smiled, watching as he walked down the steps, turned left and walked down the sidewalk out of sight.   
  
"Good night, Calamity," Sassy said softly, gently touching the cheek that Calamity had kissed. Then she headed back inside to lock up the Film Vault for the night. 

**_Coming Soon- Chapter 3: 30 Days Hath September..._**   
  



End file.
